I am baaaaaaack!Today marks one great – big – gigantic – fabulous - YEAR that I have been away from blogging! Let's just call it - a sabbatical, a rest from work. As irony would have it, my last blog was about following through…..ha! And it is actually funny because if you read what the Following Through Blog is about – it says I wanted to do more blogging! J
|Along El Camino....|
Well it turns out this last year had a different plan for me. I found the love of my life and have never been happier! I changed jobs. I got a new baby cousin! I traveled to Spain and walked El Camino de Santiago with my mom, sister and aunt. I completed a #whole30. I was a BODYSTEP® presenter in Chicago at a LES MILLS® Quarterly event. I have to say, I have had a pretty crazy - hectic - and incredible year!
But what has had the most impact on me this past year?
I lost my 25-year old cousin, Stevie Beck, to depression and suicide…..
I know, it’s intense for my first blog back - but hear me out.
I consider my family very close, so when this news was delivered to us – I was not exactly prepared for or expecting it. But I doubt anyone is.I think it is time I come back from my sabbatical and start blogging again. Life is too good and too damn short not to, right?! I know Stevie would have wanted me to. He had such a big personality – always wanting to make people feel good, turning ANY situation into a belly-laughing good time! He had that BECK energy, drawing people into every conversation he had with them.
I wouldn’t be lying if I said that I often ask myself why he didn’t come to me, why didn’t he ask me for help? Did I say the right thing – did I say the wrong things? Did I not pay enough attention to him when things were looking a bit off?
I know, and I have been told a million times over, I will never get the answers to these questions. I am slowly getting used to that. And I know that I am not the only one who asks themselves these questions – family, friends, all of us I am sure have had these thoughts in one way or another. We are nearing the 1-year anniversary of my amazing cousin and lately, with the clouds covering the sky day after day, I am thinking of what despair he had to have felt in order to carry out this act. And I wish - every. single. day. - that I could have done something to have helped him.
You never, ever know what people are going through. Some of us act happy on the outside and are troubled on the inside. Some of us wear our emotions on our sleeves and may even come across as rude. My inherent goal in this life is to leave people feeling happier than when they first approached or made contact with me. It seems my attempts to do this with Stevie could not save him – but that does not mean I will stop. Even if you consider yourself a negative person, I am telling you - making other people feel good FEELS good!
It would be wrong of me to start writing again and not talk about Stevie. Time will heal but his legend will live in all of our hearts. I think it is my duty, and the lesson I have learned in all of this, is to continue spreading positivity and love to everyone. Being kind to one another is vital for our existence!
Until next time (SOON!). . . . . see you at the gym! :)